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How
to drag a deer:
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer
back to their truck. Another hunter approached
dragging his deer too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do
something ... but I can tell you that it's
much easier if you drag the deer in the
other direction. Then the antlers won't dig
into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided
to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the
other, "You know, that guy was right. This
is a lot easier even if we are getting further from the
truck."
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HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole
lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Not only that,but I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time
he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze letme change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb?That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Jeff Foxworthy's - You might be a Redneck if....
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
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